Friends. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. It has been my what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Along with multiple other things, too. This is going to be one of my more personal blog posts but it’s just important for me to get things off my chest and have someplace to vent it all to even if that’s just myself online.
Family. Friends are family. They are there for you when everything else has turned against you, or your life has gone in an opposite direction you weren’t expecting. They are your crutch when you have a broken leg. They have ears when you want someone to hear you. And they have eyes when you have trouble seeing straight. I couldn’t be more appreciative of my friends and family as I go through the changes in myself right now.
Right. What seems right to you, may not be. It just may be that you are comfortable with wrong and don’t know what right feels like. Or, perhaps you have an idea of what right could feel like but are too afraid to take the plunge to see if that water is deep or shallow. I’m in a stasis now trying to figure out what is right because what I thought was right, has taken a different turn. I have yet to figure out if that is going to be a good or bad decision but, to me, I feel as though it’s the right move and I can’t be thankful enough for the friends who have been my crutch during this time.
Inspiration. There are a few phrases that have really stuck out to me during this time. “Don’t live life with regrets.” “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to walk in the rain.” We can’t just sit in the comfort zone, we need to travel outside of it, even if it means getting dirty, and crying, and being confused, but we will never get to our destination if we always have to stop for shelter when it starts to rain. All of these have been big proponents in my next letter and the things that are happening in my life now.
Experience. This has what has been really pushing me to take this dramatic shift in my life right now. For the first time in seven years, I am single. It’s crazy. I am still not entirely sure how to take it. But, before this, I was previously engaged and for the past couple years we have been always unsure if we are “settling” or “truly happy”. And although I won’t get into the finite details of our relationship coming to an end, I will say that although it may not have worked out for us now, I am still happy to have had the relationship. Statistics nowadays say you need something like 12 relationships to know who you are supposed to be with. That’s bullshit. But, I do believe you need more than one. Especially when that relationship starts in high school and continues on past college. The person you are in high school is so different than who you are after college. Your tastes are definitely bound to change, and I think that is what is happening to me now. What I thought I wanted, perhaps I mistook. I am not saying that me and my ex will never get back together but if we do I don’t want to be in this stasis I feel now, I want to be engaged and happily engaged and planning a wedding.
New. People are so afraid of change. I am too. Although I try and hide behind a stalwart facade I really do wonder if the choices I’ve made thus far in my life have been or will be beneficial to me. But, with new choices, comes new experience. To be honest, this one year of no schooling, but real world experience, has given me the confidence to take those inspirational quotes above and utilize them. I couldn’t be more thankful to have the blessings I do have and the support of friends and family behind me as I continue with publishing and continue sorting out me emotionally. The things I experience are sure to be new, in fact, some of them have already been so, but it’s been a kind of good new. For example, I know this is trivial, but at a bar the week after I ended it with my ex, a lady bought me a drink. It was the first time that has ever happened. I was flattered. And it made me realize that maybe new isn’t bad, it’s just not what we’ve been used to, and so that’s how we perceive it. As I take this moment in life as a time of self-discovery I can’t wait to experience a newness and a rejuvenation in the life I thought I had, or will have in the future.
Determination. With a large change in your life, it’s up to you to make what you will of it. If you want something you go out there and get it. Honestly, I feel as though that is a huge problem in our society right now. This “self propriety” complex. People think that they should be handed things on a silver platter. I don’t. I think it’s when you dredge through life’s problems that you become an overall better and well-rounded individual. Although I do not know where this path is going to lead me I am determined to make the most of it and pray everyday. I’m going to count my blessings that I currently have and those that come into my life.
Surety. I think this is another big thing that you need to have when going through any life changing event. Although you can be afraid of change, I think you need to be sure and confident that it will work out for the best. I’ve always been an advocate of God having plans for everyone and I think that is what is in store for me as I continue down this new path. I have to take a look at the accomplishments in my life, set a goal of where I want to be in the future, and be sure of myself that those things will happen. I just passed my Praxis exam and will officially be going back to school next semester to pursue my teaching license and by fall of 2015 I hope to have a full-time teaching job. In December I have my debut novel coming out and already people are saying good things about it. In 2015 I hope to have my book’s sequel published.
All of these things that have happened to me so far just confirm in my mind that this is a path meant to go down, and although I don’t know where it leads, I plan on seeing a new me on the other side. Until then, I have F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and an unwavering amount of everything included within.